It’s OK to be selfish
Today’s post will be a bit different and is a topic that has been weighing heavily on me as of late, I guess being stuck inside during this pandemic has really brought some things into perspective. So, I’m going to rant.
I have always believed that I was rather secure in my thought processes. I’ve always leaned towards being a ‘cut and dry’ sort of person and to me, that was my ultimate protection. I’ve always hated those “we need to talk” scenarios. For the life of me I could not understand why others weren’t able to live and let go the way I was. My process was simple:
It happened, I didn’t like it, but it’s over now, move forward…
They did this to me, I didn’t like it, but it’s over now so move forward…
But lately, I’ve come to the realization that this “I have to move forward” mentality was only a temporary Band-Aid for me and a permanent solution for those who have done wrong to me.
I’ve allowed them to feel like they were perfect, while they openly criticized my shortcomings.
Here’s the thing, I’ve always been the quiet type. If life was a movie, I’d be the lighting director- gleefully shining the light on others in hopes of deflecting the limelight off of myself. My comfort is in the background.
I’ve had moments of front and center action but I promise it was not comfortable. Now I’m not ashamed of being a wallflower, I’ve grown to be rather proud of it, in fact, it allowed me to see things in people that I ultimately used to protect myself. I didn’t need to wait for a ‘falling out’ to see their bad characteristics-I happily took the queues no one thought I’d notice to build a wall of protection around myself.
But the toll that can take is exhausting.
I felt like a mental contortionist, twisting and weaving. It was infuriating that some people that were close to me weren’t able to see how hard I worked at making them feel like their contributions mattered, while they would outwardly state that my efforts weren’t enough.
While thinking of all these things and replaying scenarios in my head, I realized that I was always going to be walking on eggshells to avoid emotional outbursts from some of those around me…I’m no longer available for such things.
I’m getting too old to carry the baggage of others.
I’ll be all about self-love first, call it selfish if you must.
So, for this season become unburdened and most importantly, find those who can stand by your side through thick and thin those who understand your quirks and make you laugh despite them. You may win some relationships and you may lose some, but life goes on… it has to.
Let’s move forward.
Can you Relate to this?