Motherhood & Loneliness

I achieved my greatest accomplishment in 2016, the birth of my daughter was single handily the most rewarding thing I have ever done. For me, children had always been the ultimate goal. During my childhood years there wasn’t a single version of my future that didn’t include children. My ultimate goal, my greatest wish and my only prayer was to be a mother.  

I had this idea of what pregnancy would look like. I had envisioned how I would tell my friends and family & how happy they would be for me. I never thought it would be anything different, but I was wrong.

         For a variety of reasons, I kept my pregnancy to myself. I acknowledged my pregnancy rarely and in a dismissive manner, don’t get me wrong my mind was always on my unborn child and her health, but I just couldn’t find a way to express outward happiness. In the nine months of my pregnancy, I was a mental disaster and my body showed it. My first trimester was one of the loneliest moments of my life, even though I was pregnant I managed to lose a significant amount of weight in a very short amount of time. I hate to use this word, but I truly was stressed.

See stress and I don’t go well together; I had lost 10 lbs had numerous fainting spells and I honestly was losing the ability to cope. (For reasons that don’t belong on the internet to be perfectly honest) I was at an all-time low and my response to that was to isolate myself. I actively believed I had gone crazy, I always thought I was going to be one of those pregnant women who talked to their bellies and planned a baby shower, had a maternity shoot, the whole nine yards but, I wasn’t. I cringed at the thought of a baby shower, and as long as my pre-natal checkups went well, I was happy with just hearing that my baby was healthy and thriving inside of me. I made everything about the baby and gave no thought to me.

I felt so distant from myself.

I spent my entire pregnancy with a passive attitude toward myself, turning down any invitation for a big celebration or attention to be drawn to myself, then finally, the day came. I was to be induced early and finally give birth to the long-awaited child of my dreams. It was a miracle! When she was born, I instantly felt connected to her, it was like all those feelings that I couldn’t find during my pregnancy came flooding in, I was in love and had hoped I had found my lost happiness, but it didn’t come back immediately.

I was the only one out of my friends to have had a baby at the time. I knew nothing of baby blues, postpartum depression etc, it took me until after her first birthday to feel like the gloom that surrounded me finally recessed. I don’t know if it was time, hormones or a combination of unfortunate events that had me in a downward spiral, but I urge you to seek help if you feel you are slipping, find someone you confide in to share your thoughts.

If all else fails seek out professional help.

Everyone’s experience with pregnancy is different, everyone’s personal circumstances differ, be gentle with new mothers, you never know what they are going through.

Comment below and let us know your thoughts!

Love Always

Allyson@stillsofhue

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Let’s Talk About Grief and Healing

Bear with us as we talk about this heavy topic. Grief is something that we all have faced or will face at some point in our life. It’s not something that a lot of people talk about or write about because no one wants to think about the things that cause them grief.

We all deal with differently based on our personalities and different external and internal factors.

Photo by Andreea Andrei on Pexels.com

Listen to us talk about how we deal with it and how we’ve handled it in the past.

How do you handle grief in your life?

Comment below

Love Always,

Allyson and Joelle @stillsofhue

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10 General Money-Saving Tips

While it is true that large measures promote greater savings, it is not always necessary to deprive yourself of significant expenses to receive real and effective money savings.

The largest and most continuous expense is the one we make daily, in the small things that we generally do not stop to observe since they are part of our daily lives.

Saving on routine expenses is extremely important for the domestic economy since it is these small surpluses that will prepare us in case of unexpected expenses, a breakdown at home, or a rise in the water or electricity bill.

In addition, all that we save on the small details will also be a relief for our bank accounts.

But, how can we cut the spending of our daily habits so that saving is effective?

Here are 10 tips to save money in our day-to-day life

1-Make A Food Menu

By preparing a menu of meals, you can calculate how much food you will need, planning how you can reuse food from one meal to another, and avoiding spoiling foods that you are not going to consume. I started doing more of this and I’ve noticed this small change makes a huge difference and reduces impulse buying at the grocery.

2-For Daily Purchases, Compare Prices

It is not necessary that you visit all the supermarkets, nowadays thanks to the Internet you have it easy with online supermarkets. In addition to making your shopping list online, saving time, and avoiding the temptation to buy things you don’t need, you can compare prices between grocery stores, beauty supply stores or where ever you shop and look for the best deals.

3-Buy Only What Is Necessary

It is true that it can be positive to take advantage of offers, but only when that product is really necessary. We must try to avoid the consumption impulse, so as not to really spend on unnecessary goods. But make a plan to ” treat ” yourself once in a while to keep you motivated

4-Stay Optimistic!

Do not restrict your freedoms too much and do not lose sight of your quality of life. Instead, look to the future with optimism and motivate yourself with the goal that you are saving for, such as a big purchase like a car, house, a special item or your children’s future education.

5- It Also Establishes A Fund for Special Situations

Be it vacations, celebrations, or gifts, among others. This way your vacation money (for example) is not in with the rest of the funds that you need to use to pay bills or buy groceries. You know this is money that you don’t touch until a specific time or date

6-Periodically Review Your Contracts

Telephone, Internet, electricity, home or car insurance, among others, to verify that we really have contracted the service we need and to confirm that no new offers have come to market for you to save . Its also good to review to make sure you are not paying for something that you don’t use.

7- Buy and Sell Second-Hand Objects

On many occasions, we acquire things that we use little, that we end up cornering and forgetting. It is important to remove the prejudice that when we need something, we need it now, there are a large number of useful objects. Buying and selling second-hand objects is a relief for our pocket and for the environment.

8-Recycle and Reuse

That piece of furniture that you don’t use or that had a leg broken, or that ladder with a broken rung. All objects can have a second life and before throwing them away or buying new utensils we must consider whether we can recycle them.

9- Consume Responsibly

Try to save on your consumption, spend only on things that are really necessary, but it is also important to consume responsibly and consistently, worrying about the origin of the products we consume and their impact on the environment.

Final Words

You can, of course, continue to save the income from the money you have invested – or you can reward yourself once: for example, with a trip, a nice concert or an expensive dinner for two. After all, investing in your own well-being is never wrong.

Comment below. Share tips that work for you

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How Do You Get Past betrayal?

Betrayal is such a strong word that should not be used lightly but the sad reality is that many of us will experience it at some point in our lives.

Today we talk about some of the things that has helped us to move forward after we’ve been hurt by the ones we love the most.

Some key take aways

Communication

Without it you will get no where.

Seek help when necessary

Its good to get a mutual outside party to listen to both sides. Someone that can help both parties see the other person’s side and be that voice of reason

Take time to heal and deal with your emotions

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and the other party is to just step away and take some time to process your feelings

Recognize growth

If you are willing to stay in the relationship or friendship with the person that hurt you, its important that you recognize when the “betrayer” is making a genuine effort to change. Just as its important for them to give you the time and space to heal its important for you to recognize when they are making a genuine effort

Forgive and move forward

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. forgiving just means that you are not bring up the same situation every time there is an argument. When you forgive someone you not resentful toward the other party. Forgiving someone means that you are in a place where you are willing to move forward with the person and in some cases you can forgive but decide that is best to move forward without the person. You have to do what best for you.

Listen to the rest of the conversation. We touch on these points and so much more!

Share your thoughts.

Have you ever felt betrayed in your life?

How did you get past it?

Whats something you did that helped you on your journey to move forward?

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